User blog:Omgitskittykatty/The Future is Stupid UNCENSORED
''The Pilot is Stupid'' (Theme song) (We cut to a spaceship floating around in space) Dan: *Voice* Space...the final frontier. For about...3 weeks, we have been searching for a planet known as "Insert Planet Name Here Because The Writers Got Lazy", because our stupid boss said so. So far, we have no luck, but who knows...maybe we co- Roger: UUUGHHH. (We cut to the inside of the spaceship) Roger: Nobody freaking cares about your s----y journal crap. I'm tryin' to do nothing here! Dan: Hey, don't blame me. Our boss said to update this journal log. If you want to get fired and get no Space Money, that's fine by me. Roger: I AM quitting this job after this mission. For the past 3 years I've been listin' to that old sack of shit tells us what to do. *Imitating his boss* Oohh, find this planet nobody gives a f--k about. Ooohh, destroy that asteroid hitting that planet filled with millions of cats, Oohh, find me a girlfriend. God, I'm so pissed at him. Dan: You do realize he can hear us through this video monitor, right? Roger: Yeah, but he doesn't use it! He's too busy having wet dreams about money! Dan:...How could a person have wet dreams about money? Roger: Shut your piehole. I'm going to bed. *hits his head with a hammer, causing him to pass out* Dan: Ugh. (He continues to pilot the ship, and eventually falls asleep) (We see a wormhole suddenly appear in front of it) (Dan wakes up) Dan: Ehh? *He sees the wormhole* Holy crap...Roger, get up! Roger: *attempts to shoot Dan while sleeping, but the bullet misses* Dan: Dammit, you waste of space. This is serious! WE'RE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO A WORMHOLE! Roger: *gets up* Liar. Good attempt at waking me up, tho-*sees the wormhole*.....f--k. Dan: *Is pushing the "Backwards" button on the ship* ComeoncomeoncomeoncomeconCOMEONCOMEON!!GOGOGO!!! Roger: WE'RE GONNA DIIIEEEEE! Dan: Not quite yet... (The spaceship gets closer to the wormhole) Dan: Okay, NOW we're gonna die. (The two are sucked into the wormhole) (The wormhole goes to the year 2345 and the spaceship lands in a field) Roger: OW! (Dan and Roger walk out of the spaceship) Roger: How the hell are we still alive? Dan: *Holds out a device with the number "2345" seen on it* I'm not quite sure. Anyways, according to this Alien Gizmo Radar Crap, the wormole we went through sent us to...2345?! Roger: Well, f--k. We're in the future. And our ship is broken. Dan: And my coffee is cold. Roger: *holds out a pizza* And this pizza has pineapple. Dan:...I'm gettin' hungry. Let's try to find some food. Roger: Fine. (The two walk onto the sidewalk, adn the sidewalk suddenly glows) Roger: Ahh! Witchcraft! Voice from the Sidewalk: Name the desination you would like to go to. Dan:...Hmm..a sidewalk that does the walking for you! That's neat. Roger: *points gun at the sidewalk* Die, WITCH! *shoots the sidewalk* (The sidewalk shuts off) Dan: Well thanks, asshole. You broke it. Roger: No problem. It's a pleasure pissing you off. Dan: Now we're gonna have to walk. Roger: No. I'm not. *lays down* Dan: Ugh. Whatever, I'm going to go get some food. Get lost and be a lazy ass all you want. (Dan walks away) (45 Minutes later) Roger: *stomach growls* Hey? Didn't I tell you to shut up like an hour ago, stomach? (Roger's stomach growls again) Roger: Okay, you asked for it. *Grabs a gun and shoots his stomach* Roger: ARGH! GODDAMMNIT F--K THAT HURT! Roger: I'm gonna need something to cover the wound or I'll bleed to death....*spots an empty beer bottle* Hmmm... (Roger puts the beer bottle in wound) Roger: Once again, beer saves the day! Heeyyy...maybe I should get some beer from a gas station. (A Gas station suddenly falls down the street) Roger: Hmm. What a coincidence. (Roger walks into the gas station) Roger: Wow! There's new brands of beer in the future! Gas Station Worker: Future? Roger: Shut up. No one was talking to you. Gas Station Worker: EVERYONE IS TALKING TO ME. (Suddenly, a bunch of people appear and stare at Roger) Roger:...Weird... (Roger grabs a crowbar, breaks the door open, and grabs the beer) (Roger walks out, setting off an alarm) Gas Station Worker: Ehh, I'll let the boss take care of this. (In the bosse's room) Boss: Ehh, I'll let the worker take care of this. (Meanwhile) Dan: *walking* I'm hungry... (Roger walks up and punches Dan) Dan: OW! What the hell, dude?! Roger: I got beer. *Holds up beer* Dan: Thank god. Gimme a glass. Roger: Nuh-uh, no way. You get your own beer. Dan: BUT YOU HAVE 20 F--KING BOTTLES YOU ASSHOLE! Category:Blog posts